dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
