Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come on in and take your pants off
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