theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
