The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need a beard to bite.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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