Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
