you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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