her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
