This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize