I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
