there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
