and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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