Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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