I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize