I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
