You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So apparently I’m into choking now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
