dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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