I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
