You just made me feel so damn special
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
