Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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