I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
