She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
