Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
