Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize