he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
