I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
