loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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