I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
