Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
