You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
