dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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