You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize