I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
