Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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