hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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