i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
