I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
