On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
