hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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