I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
