i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
