somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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