ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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