dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
