I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
