It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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