3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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