Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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