New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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