is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just cropdusted the office
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize