you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
