Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
