2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize