if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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