he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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