I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
