I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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