so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
