She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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