I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
thus making me awesome and them whores
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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