when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
