well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
please come you make the beer taste better
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
