Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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