Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You dont lie about slip and slides
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
