let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize