I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
