Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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