you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
