i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
