omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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