I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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