Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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