Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
