My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
