I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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