the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
