Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
