just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
