i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
