i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
