I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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