whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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