Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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